how could skipping one day's worth of class have so much impact?!?!

arggg... feeling depressed right now. who would have thought taking one sick day could cause me so much additional troubles? if you recall from my earlier post, i was sick last tue and missed two classes and a project meeting... and now i realise i'm lost in everthing!! have no idea what happened during the project meeting, or what's happening in class tmr for that matter.... and just found out ONE day before the class that i have a written assignment due! and worse, my mailbox was too full to receive the assignment guidelines, and i have to wait till tmr for my friend to forward the related files to me=[ aish. i hate being a last minute person :(

and continuing on with mailbox related issues.... just before the administrator so nicely informed me of my mailbox being closed, i received a vital email. which i only bothered to check and read today! yes, the comms101 class would be postponed due to cny, and the make-up class would be, oh? what? YESTERDAY?!?! shit. shit. shit. and to further add salt to the wound... this prof has so nicely stated that absences amounting to 3 or more would result in a final grade of C+ or worse; while that amounting to 7 and above would amount to a direct fail. there goes my grade=[ only week 4 and already 2/3 chances gone.... looks like i'll have to thread on thin ice for the rest of the term..

i'm starting to think i'm not cut out for sch, or at least, for smu. i'm so used to being the laid-back slacker who misses all of her classes and just aims high for that final exam, that i'm unable to get back to, yes, the primary school days where people were not allowed to skip classes. for me, it has always been 'aim for that final battle, it's all that counts' but i guess that no longer works where i am right now. daily work matters; and projects, participation, and attendance-taking is truly a bitch, if you ask me =[ and as much as i admire the rationale behind such a system which quite successfully simulates a working world situation, i just don't want to like it even though i KNOW that it's good for me. hey, i'm gonna be stuck in those hellish situations for the rest of my life, so cut me a few years of slack will ya? i'm too immature to deal with all that responsibility and duty crap. let me enjoy my last few years as a student! it really doesn't feel like school, school when i'm in smu. everyone's fighting for the top spot, everyone has that drive, that added zest and perhaps, even ruthlessness, that i feel that i should do more, be more, and know more. yet on the other hand... it's kinda demoralising... knowing that everyone is so up there, and will be getting the top spots, that you just think, why even try? perhaps i'm losing it, perhaps i never even had it -- but that drive to move forward, to beat the rest, to be the best out of the best, is slowly fading, and with it, my determination, and drive. maybe all this is utter rubbish and simply ramblings, but i'm just in this mood where i feel that i'm not going forward. like there is a great world out there just waiting for me, but a glass wall is blocking me from reaching over, from having my share... deep down, i think i'm just yearning for new experiences, while, slowly, silently, but surely, shying away from my studies...