happy chinese new year!!

first off, to equilibrium who left me such a sweet comment: thanks, it really made me feel better:)

had a relatively fun night out with the sisters yesterday. why relative? you'll find out later =] went to rouge to celebrate lea's friend denise's birthday at abt 10 plus, and thank goodness for connections(although none mine,heehee), cos darci managed to sign us all in for free. first time going there, and i quite like the atmosphere. it's more of a chill-out spot than anything else, what with the live band and professional platform dancers, but i liked how rouge made their lineup interesting by rotating acts, with the dj r&b dance mix between each set and performance. not as much dancing as i would like, but nonetheless, quite fun. and OMG, there is this one prof dancer whom i found totally disgusting!!! arggg.... one of them was really nice with like this to die for super hot bod (haha, shihan told her so in the toilet! lol), but the other.... what a total sl*t! this guy climbed onto the platform to try to dance with her, and instead of the usual shying away that you would expect normal PROFESSIONAL people to do, she instead proceeded to strip him of all his clothes. so the club was basically treated to a strip show. and who wants to see a relatively flabby man go now to his underwear?!?! (pssshhh, it's red, by the way) and the funny thing was, she wanted to take off even that, and tried to pull it down, but the guy himself was holding on for dear life to his boxers and keeping them up. haha, serves you right. never expected THAT when you decided to climb up there huh?? heehee, anyway followed denise and shan to the dancefloor, and she tried to pull us up! dance alongside a professtional?!? you've gotta be kidding me. no thanks, i'll stick to the dancefloor=] but felt so bad, none of us wanted to follow her up, and she was up already, so she kinda looked a little sad, standing there alone with the dancer, being all awkward and such =( stayed at rouge till abt 3, watched lea and glenn play some pool with this lady (one of singapore's top 5 pool players!, then left for attica. was supposed to meet sue at mos first, since she was there, then proceed to liquid, then attica, but by the time we left, she already left mos and liquid, and was already at attica, so we ended up going straight there. and haha, sue really has connections, another free entry! especially useful, since i'm actually too young to enter those places:) think it was 21 for girls, 25 for guys, but oh well! heehee. that rocked!

upon entrance, came the socialising, which sue, i have to say, is a pro at. she immediately introduced us to the two owners, cash and micki, and then to all these older rich people. haha. taitai dreams! lol. cash was a blast, dancing crazy and jumping around and all.... and micki was quite reserved, but considerate. he noticed we didn't have drinks and pointed it out to cash, who proceeded to go up to the bar and get us a few jugs of cocktail mixes and such. they're both so nice! we then proceeded to attica level 2, and the vip section. the bouncer didn't want to let us all in at first... since we weren't members, but once my sister dragged in big boss micki to vouch for us, volla! heehee. i love going out with sue sometimes, no queues, no checks, free entry, free drinks, and vip treatment! lol. they even popped a bottle of champagne for us! haha. great.

it was at 5 plus that things started to sour.... not going to go into details here.... but basically some accusations and such. sigh. what a way to end the evening. left the place then [haha, it was cool to walk through the empty and lit level 1 (they close earlier than the vip section), we can finally see beneath and smoke and blanket of darkness!] and went to the nearby macs. even that turned out to be interesting. catfight!! someone called the police in cos it was getting serious, and after, and ambulance came to take the injured girl away. oooo... and we bumped into singapore idol sylvester sim at macs! hmmm... he doesnt look too great in person, but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt, it was 6 and everything... haha, had a debate on whether or not he was gay, cos he certainly looked it last night, but sue came with the answer... turns out he tried to pick her up one day at far east.. so the verdict......... straight! haha. anyhow, went home after and slept a good portion of the day away, and here i am again, back after reunion dinner at a japanese restaurant. bloated, satisfied, and trying my darnest to keep awake -- cos my mum told me the later you stay awake for on new year's eve, the longer your parents live!! haha. 2am now... and going strong! lol. happy chinese new year everyone, and may you spend it surrounded with your loved ones. love ya!

how could skipping one day's worth of class have so much impact?!?!

arggg... feeling depressed right now. who would have thought taking one sick day could cause me so much additional troubles? if you recall from my earlier post, i was sick last tue and missed two classes and a project meeting... and now i realise i'm lost in everthing!! have no idea what happened during the project meeting, or what's happening in class tmr for that matter.... and just found out ONE day before the class that i have a written assignment due! and worse, my mailbox was too full to receive the assignment guidelines, and i have to wait till tmr for my friend to forward the related files to me=[ aish. i hate being a last minute person :(

and continuing on with mailbox related issues.... just before the administrator so nicely informed me of my mailbox being closed, i received a vital email. which i only bothered to check and read today! yes, the comms101 class would be postponed due to cny, and the make-up class would be, oh? what? YESTERDAY?!?! shit. shit. shit. and to further add salt to the wound... this prof has so nicely stated that absences amounting to 3 or more would result in a final grade of C+ or worse; while that amounting to 7 and above would amount to a direct fail. there goes my grade=[ only week 4 and already 2/3 chances gone.... looks like i'll have to thread on thin ice for the rest of the term..

i'm starting to think i'm not cut out for sch, or at least, for smu. i'm so used to being the laid-back slacker who misses all of her classes and just aims high for that final exam, that i'm unable to get back to, yes, the primary school days where people were not allowed to skip classes. for me, it has always been 'aim for that final battle, it's all that counts' but i guess that no longer works where i am right now. daily work matters; and projects, participation, and attendance-taking is truly a bitch, if you ask me =[ and as much as i admire the rationale behind such a system which quite successfully simulates a working world situation, i just don't want to like it even though i KNOW that it's good for me. hey, i'm gonna be stuck in those hellish situations for the rest of my life, so cut me a few years of slack will ya? i'm too immature to deal with all that responsibility and duty crap. let me enjoy my last few years as a student! it really doesn't feel like school, school when i'm in smu. everyone's fighting for the top spot, everyone has that drive, that added zest and perhaps, even ruthlessness, that i feel that i should do more, be more, and know more. yet on the other hand... it's kinda demoralising... knowing that everyone is so up there, and will be getting the top spots, that you just think, why even try? perhaps i'm losing it, perhaps i never even had it -- but that drive to move forward, to beat the rest, to be the best out of the best, is slowly fading, and with it, my determination, and drive. maybe all this is utter rubbish and simply ramblings, but i'm just in this mood where i feel that i'm not going forward. like there is a great world out there just waiting for me, but a glass wall is blocking me from reaching over, from having my share... deep down, i think i'm just yearning for new experiences, while, slowly, silently, but surely, shying away from my studies...

'artwork' :)

hee, another day without school and i'm messing with photoshop. well... here's what i ended up with today....

and here's another one to tickle your senses... an abstract type this time, made by using tons of filters and rendering.
haha, doesn't it look like one of those double images pictures? i see some kind of monkey god on top... and a snake at the bottom... heehee... and perhaps even more! anyone else seeing it too?? lol. well, that's it for now. bye!

won't you come back to me??

when i was younger, i once completed a 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle; and i was really sad, because i had invariably lost one piece. that little cardboard square that completed the puzzle, that made the whole thing whole.... and i prayed and prayed for days on end that i'll one day find it...; refusing to let my maid break apart and keep those other 1999 squares who were waiting in vain for their lost friend...

and i guess God even answers the smallest of prayers, because against all odds, i did, indeed find that one missing piece. but its funny how the mind works, how human nature works... you somehow only want and miss something when its gone, and when it comes back to you, you tend to forget its value, or its importance to you. that last piece in place, i soon forgot about the entire puzzle, and it became a thing of the past.

8 years down the road... i've once again lost something i now sorely miss... a gift from my dad, a companion and friend, another part of me... and it saddens me so, to know that something of mine is gone... i'm not sure how, i'm not sure when; all i know is that i can no longer find it, regardless of how long or hard i've tried, that singular thing just eludes me... and so once again, here i am, praying, that it'll come back to me, that it'll let me find it, and this time.... i promise to treasure it and treat it as it should have been treated, if it would but return..........

OUCH!!!

just a quick one for me to whine in self-pity before i go off and attempt to sleep without moving again. i'm down with god knows what right now... i've got major headaches every time i move or walk, the shivers, possible fever (i can't find my thermometer), as well as super sensitive skin - it hurts to wash my face or even go under the blankets! urgg... suffering in silence here, sue went out and the parents are sleeping... help! i feel like i'm dying.... but i still feel this sense of unease because i KNOW that i have 2 classes and a project meeting i can't really afford to skip tomorrow morning. let's hope i'll get better by tomorrow morning... although i doubt it :( icky feeling too, since i was resting earlier and have yet to get started on the homework... and since i'm going to rest again now, still no chance! urggg.... what a sucky day.

dunkin donuts!

3 boxes + 16 donuts = eternal bliss



thanks dad!

:)

haha. this is your tennis buddy who still has your sloman text, oh mysterious one! lol. to this certain someone who induced this post, yesh, your request is granted... no more link! haiz... now it'll be harder for me to find ya! heehee.

had a relatively good and carefree week. the public holidays have really been to my advantage. i only had class one day the whole of last week, and two days this week! i really really relish the free time this new timetable has cleared up for me, and i think it suits me better too! before with a five day week, it really was torturous to get up in the morning and force yourself to get to class.... cos it was never ending! ha, ended up skipping more classes than i attended; think it was 30 missed classes for the term last year?!? lol. but so far for this term... resolution followed!! i'm so proud of myself:) only 10mins late for each class, max, and zero classes skipped! not bad eh? but haha, considering there's only been three official days of classes for me so far... i better not speak too soon ;]

been basically sitting at home forcing those creative juices out -- making jewellery while i catch up on.... the taiwan dramas my mum taped!! haha, i finished watching, lets see.... 11+14+16+16=57 episodes in 3 days!!! gosh. but then again, you can probably call this 'make-up'. i haven't watched tv since the time 'A' level results came out... thats like... 8 months maybe?? not sure why, i suddenly just switched off, no pun intended. ha, and even now, i only watch vcds and completed dramas... not exactly tv tv right? i have totally lost touch with the tv world!! ask me what's the time slot for any show, or even what shows are they showing on channel 5, and i'll have totally no idea. hmmm.... is that good, or bad?!?

ha, i was happily eating my fried beehoon sue bought back for me yesterday, while simultaneously thinking of the chocolate cake in the fridge, and i was struck with the greatest sense of self-disgust. how can i be eating and still be thinking of eating more directly after?!? its not really the real weight that i'm concerned about, i've put on 1kg (i can live with that!) but its the noticeably expanding waistline that i'm worried about! last night while eating my m&ms my mum took them away from me and told me i was looking 'round'. urggg.... sad man. sad. looks like its back to that big D and E -- diet and exercise. only 15 days to new year according to yun, so not much time left to lose those inches! hee, meeting her at nus this wed to play tennis and exercise... hope it'll work! in the meantime... does 3 meals a day constitute a diet??

p.s. that chocolate cake?? despite self-disgust, i still ate it straight after. sigh :(

ain't nobody gonna get me down...

i always thought people wrote blogs for themselves, and of course, with the intention of sharing their lives with friends. and isn't that so? i do not write to please you, nor do i specifically craft my words to suit you just because i think you're reading. i just write what i want to write and what i feel like writing at that moment, and is that so wrong?? to that one person who didn't even have the courage to leave your name (i.e. mr 'anonymous' as he puts it), you're annoying the sh.t out of me. if you have nothing good to say, then don't say nothing. you don't know me, and i don't know you, so lets just keep it that way.

the comments part of my blog is temporarily hidden, until such a time when i again feel comfortable enough to put one up. and i'm sorry for bitching here, cos i've got to say, everyone here has been really great:)... it's just that one person on another blog i'm angry with; argg... and no matter how much i try to psche myself from the title... it certainly isn't completely true. words can be weapons; remember that. they can make you question yourself, make you doubt what you've previously felt sure about, and just simply make you feel like crap.. i know i'm not supposed to let the words of a stranger who has too much time on his hand and who blindly surfs blogs affect me, but it does. why are there such evil people out there who find great joy in saying hurtful things to people they don't even know? thanks so much for affecting my already low confidence. NOT. what can i say? it was already a weak spot in an area muddled with doubt and worry, and you just had to make it worse. someday i'll be stronger, someday i'll be immune; but for now, just let me cry.

my first vector!!

ha, never knew i had it in me right? decided to try my hand at creating vectors through one of those internet tutorials, and i was so tempted to give up halfway! hours later, i'm finally done... and i just have to show it off! haha. this is the original (taken from photos of my latest jewellery collection): and this is my final result: how? whadya think? ;]

aish. i better stop fooling around with photoshop... got sidetracked while cropping and editting my jewellery photos... its already 10.30pm, and i haven't even started on all the things i promised adrian for tomorrow afternoon's meeting! well, i had better go start now. ta-ta!

update: happy [belated] new year!

kk. been kinda busy the past few days so had no chance to update till now. hope everyone had a great new year... i did! kinda lazy to write today... so i'll just give you the summarised version:) usual new year family dinner party, yacht club chalet for the night, smi-club and puzzle (8 years together!), cool souvenirs from eygpt!, the drive out to watch the 2.30 sentosa fireworks, 1000 sticks of sparklers, mahjong all-nighter, slept 6 woke 11 (missed church! there goes one resolution....), the drive back at 2, lunch with sports school boy andrew:), lord of the rings movie time, beef steak family dinner, knocked out... mon, pubblic holiday...school at 8.30, home to sleep again after, 5 back breaking hours doing my jewellery photo shoot, business meeting with adrian at his office, dinner at sake sushi, dessert at swensens, preparation for school...tue, first official school day... class at 8.30, lunch at subway, the viewing of the school swimming pool, enquiries at the office of career services as well as the office of international relations, class at 3.30, back home confused about the future:(